Yesterday was one of those days. You know what I mean. It's one of those days when, for a 24 hour period, you feel as though you're merely a spectator of your own life. At least you wish you were a spectator of your own life because so many bizarre, random, what-are-the-chances-of-this-happening-to-me-today things occur that the only logical explanation is God is messing with you. I can't blame the big guy. If I had unlimited power with the unfortunate pairing of granting free will to these sorry idiots I claimed my children then I too would find other ways to be entertained without technically breaking those rules. Then again, maybe God wasn't having a fun day with me. Maybe it's just Milwaukee.

Yesterday...

• I got paid! And then paid my bills... (Ok, that's not strange but it was still sad.)

• For some unknown reason my eyes were so bloodshot that if I had passed a DARE officer in street clothes there is no question I would've been cuffed. I don't know if they can do that, but it most definitely would have happened. I have no doubt.

• The very same man who harassed me in the shampoo aisle of Walgreen's the day before (by professing his love for me and trying to convince me his only problem was that I wasn't his lover) ran into me on Wisconsin Ave. this time trying to guilt trip me into giving him my cash because he was a Vietnam veteran. Luckily, I had just paid all of my bills and when I said I didn't have any money I wasn't lying. I'm really looking forward to our next encounter.

• TjMaxx tried to go on lockdown while I was nekkid in the dressing room. They aren't joking around when the sign reads it closes at 7. One of two things needs to happen: the store hours need to be etched into a huge stone pillar by the door so I understand the seriousness of them, or you know, they could try announcing a 10 minute warning over the intercom so I know not to take the entire clearance rack of clothes with me to try on. I'm sure the employees tried to lock me in the store on purpose. I definitely had that "girl-who-just-paid-her-bills-and-isn't-going-to-do-anything-but-take-a-bunch-of-clothes-into-the-dressing-room-and-leave-them-there" look about me.

• I had the most ridiculously hilarious, yet infuriating, text conversation with a random bar acquaintance who has incessantly contacted me over the past month. (The exact details of which I wish I could disclose because it enriches the story 25696 fold, but if you want to know, call me.) Anyway, after an hour+ of incredibly annoying beating around the bush and finally believing I had gotten him to understand that by saying, "No, I don't want to be friends," means "No, I don't want to be friends," and he told me I was lost (I'm sure he was meaning to say it was my loss because I happened to be quite confident in my exact location at that moment) a 15 minute lifetime passed before my phone lit up again. It was him. The text read, "What u doin now?" I nearly lost my marbles, and in that moment, I became further convinced that the percentage of the male population whose skulls were inadvertently made of concrete (another fun-day for God) is significantly increasing and I think national attention should be brought to this discovery before it gets more serious.

• Things were capped off with the pleasant reminder of the joys of living in an apartment building entirely occupied by college students. One of my peers left splattered presents on the outside AND inside steps. Gosh, I hate it so much when alcohol makes stairs resemble toilets.

Cheers to a great Wednesday!