The Disease

The reason I haven't written anything for a while is because I've done nothing but frequent the doctor's office and watch endless television for two weeks straight. I have mono. Don't ask me where I got it or who I got it from, because I don't know! Trust me, if I knew I would be giving this person or object a hard time. I had a mono false alarm sophomore year and I straight up accused someone of giving it to me...I was wrong.

I know that a high percentage of the college population gets to go through this experience at some point, but it's different when it's me, ok? Come on, it's my one month of freedom this summer and it's been ripped from my fingertips, so I'll complain to anyone who will pretend to listen to me.

About 5 days after my very unsuccessful urgent care visit when I was told I "had a virus" I woke up again feeling terrible, but this time the pain in my throat couldn't be ignored. I had my pre-PA roommate do a preliminary diagnosis with her fancy pen flashlight and her response was, "Girl, you've got strep or mono or something."

I didn't even pay attention to her comment about mono. I was incredibly ticked that urgent care didn't culture my strep test. 'Bastards,' I thought. 'I've been suffering an additional 5 days with a treatable infection.' I went to student health.

I complained that I had been to urgent care downtown and they didn't culture my strep test, but I couldn't finish my rant before she said, "I think you have mono."

The blood test confirmed it.

On that first day, I notified the necessary people that I was infected, and I mocked the disease, because I didn't feel that bad.

Well, for the next 12 days or so, mono gave me it's wrath. It's been awful.

I could talk forever, and I probably won't finish before I need to take another nap, so I'll just give you a run-down.

• My mother came and swept me out of Milwaukee and took me to Minnesota for a week of unbothered recovery time.

• Not even one day into the neighboring state, I was very glad my mom had rescued me because I couldn't swallow anymore, so we went to the urgent care center.

• We spent some time trying to explain to the secretary that though my license is from Arizona and I claim residence in Milwaukee, it was very normal for me to be at this hospital in Minnesota.

• I was stabbed by needles 3 more times, given my 3rd strep test in 10 days, given a CT scan, and IV therapy because I guess the fact that I'd been refusing to swallow things all week resulted in a bit of dehydration.

• In preparation for the CT scan of my ridiculous throat, the tech asked me if I'd had an IV put in before. "Oh yeah," the delirious version of myself replied in reference to my last hospital visit when I was 4 years old. I had absolutely no recollection of what it felt like to have an IV line put in. I especially didn't remember it feeling like a blunt straw was being forced into my arm. The nurse in IV therapy gasped when she saw how big the needle was. "I had to get a CT," delirious me explained. "Oh," she replied. "They must have had to put some thick contrasting material in."

• I guess it was worth it because the CT saved me from an emergency draining of an abscessed tonsil to which my mom suggested, "Well, if she has to go into surgery, they should just take them (the tonsils) out."

• Because my throat refused to get better, we went BACK to the urgent care center 2 days later where the nurses (who I didn't remember) remembered who I was and we had a jolly little party where they marveled over how disgusting my nasty throat looked. I had a 4TH strep test, negative again, and the doc this time put me on this kick butt antibiotic which finally took care of my throat.

Anyway, I'm alive, but I'm going to have no good stories for the next month because I get to sit on my couch until I'm released to have a life again. All that's come of this is I'm my normal self, feeling good, but a frequent nap taker. And I have to get my tonsils out over Christmas. Boo.